Of Angels and Fish

An angel smiting a monastery-terrorising fish. Not the first image that comes to mind when you think of Biblical iconography.  Nor is that of explorer James Bruce smoking a dope pipe with the local queen.But there doesn’t seem to be much in Ethiopia that conforms to what it is supposed to be. Monasteries are either chiselled out of solid granite or erected on isolated little islands in the middle of giant lakes. The people speak a language that is completely unique and totally illegible. It sounds like the alien creatures from District 9 speaking to each other in a Dutch accent. Their looks are totally polarising: faces either stunningly gorgeous or like giant brown lightbulbs. Even their food is bizarre – they insist on using a miniature grain called ‘tef’ that needs to be fermented before being made into the sour pancake ‘injera’. And, unfortunately for long bus journeys, this fermentation process seems to continue in the colon as well.

You see Ethiopia has a long history of doing things its own way. It had a well-established Jewish community around three thousand years ago allegedly as a result of a romantic tryst between the mighty Queen of Sheba and the head honcho of Jerusalem King Solomon. These Biblical children then withstood Animist aggression in the South, Axumite Christians in the north, Islamic converts in the East and maniacal carp on their doorstep before they were all assimilated into one mighty empire in the late 19^th century. This occurred just in time to ward off the colonial aspirations of the Italians who are better known for their tangy meatballs than battlefield prowess. Thus Ethiopia remains the only African country to have dodged the colonial bullet and held on to its idiosyncratic customs in their bizarre, undiluted form.

And thank the emperor that they have done their own thing for millennia because without their strange desire to pick funny red berries, pit them, roast the seeds and drink the result, Starbucks would be nothing more than an over-priced vendor of expensive foam. So there is a lot to be said for countries clinging obsessively to their quirks of folklore and custom. So what if some of their ancient rulers have their mummified remains in monastic storerooms in between boxes of Nile Fruit Juice? And is it really important whether or not Moses’ Ark of the Covenant currently resides in northern Ethiopia under the guard of a single, lonely priest? What really makes this country unique is that it seems to have doggedly stuck to its own ways in the face of external pressures for as long as it has been around. Lets be honest – Biblical imagery of the virgin Mary is omnipresent throughout the modern world. But how many churches boast of ethereal assistance in assassinating a war-mongering leviathan of a carp? Personally I want to know more about that fish.